Love and Illogic

My cousin gave me the "Love and Logic" parenting book a couple of years ago, and, bored with the other books on my nightstand, I picked it up one night and read a few chapters.

Dear God, that stuff is crap.

I believe in raising children to think for themselves.  I believe in personal accountability, and actions having consequences. 

But I don't think a child should be allowed to fail a year of school just to teach him a lesson.

Bedtime struggles?  Let your kid stay up all night!  He'll feel bad the next day, and that will teach him a lesson!

Your kid is throwing a tantrum?  Give her hugs and kisses, instead of time-out!

Need more guidance?  Buy our educational series for only $68.95!

Sense a theme here?

Kids need rules, they need guidance, they need structure.  A kid who has too much control is a kid who is out of control.  I've watched too many parents stand by while their child terrorizes the room, chanting "Are you making good decisions?  Are you making healthy choices?" while the child tunes them out.

Am I missing something?  What works for you?

Comments

[Meredith]

Hiya - I donated $10 and want the recipes! :-) I also of course want to help a good cause.

I find that rules and structure are the only things that work for me. That and routine. Hugs and kisses instead of a time out? I tried that, it led to more tantrums and begging for mommy when daddy gave a tinmeout. This book, which I have not read, sounds dumb.

[Nan]

J just took Little Man to the playground, so I can sit down w/a cuppa and check out your topics.

Gotta say that kids under a certain age simply can't make decisions, either good or bad - they just aren't capable. At some point, they begin to gain that ability, but they need structure, rules and, when appropriate, consequences to learn how to make those choices. Oh Lordy, I just opened my mouth and my mother walked right out!

And I have to say that possibly the most difficult day of the past year (did you get the pix?) was when we were in the supermarket at 4:00 one day - after work and daycare. I was tired and LM had discovered that screeching at the top of his voice made Mommy crazy. So he did it for 20 minutes. Non stop. No matter what I did or didn't do. It was all I could do not to burst into tears right there in the store. The only reason I didn't abandon the cart was the total lack of food in the house! When I did get home, my downstairs neighbor said hello, and I burst out sobbing. Ugh - glad both LM and J gave me hugs that day!

So yes - rules and structure - but sometimes they're just going to be little terrors anyway - that's the nature of the little beasties.

Gotta hop over to the other topics to see what's up.

[Abra Leah]

We are all about first time obedience and schedules over here! And you know what? My kids are very well adjusted, incredibly obedient (usually!), and extremely happy. :)