Heidi P., stop reading RIGHT NOW.
For the rest of you, we will have to skip part II of how not to adopt from Kazakhstan, as we now have more pressing matters:
There is no child for us here.
That's right -- we flew for 30 hours, around the world, to sit this morning in a stinky hot room and listen to two angry Kazakh women yell at our coordinator and translator that Americans only want to adopt babies, and they have older children who need homes, and the only child they could offer us was three years old.
And they had told her that her momma and dada were coming today. She screamed "Mama!" at me as we walked into the orphanage.
We are only approved by immigration for an infant under one year. We cannot adopt this child, no matter how hard it is to think that they are going to have to tell her that.
Our coordinator thinks they are lying. I think he is right -- it's a long story, but basically they were told last week that there were six children under one year old available for adoption. Today we were told that there was only one, and that she had been adopted last week by a Kazakh family.
D. is livid.
I am working on Zen.
Our coordinator is working frantically to call her bluff, and if that fails, to move us to a different region. We are exhausted, and jet lagged, and frustrated.
Please say a few more prayers for us.


Oh, Soper, and D. I am so sorry you're facing this. I can believe you are pissed as hell right now. Hoping like crazy something good will come from this, praying for you this week. Hang in there. Shit.
Posted by: Sisyphus | August 01, 2005 at 06:44 AM
I am so, so sorry. Thinking good thoughts for you that this works out. How insane.
Posted by: Cat, Galloping | August 01, 2005 at 08:04 AM
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Posted by: Julie | August 01, 2005 at 08:10 AM
I'm so sorry this is happening to you! Please try to hang on in there!!!
Posted by: nela | August 01, 2005 at 08:16 AM
Oh, Sopher. I'm so so sorry and furious that this is happening to you. You are in my thoughts and I'm praying for something good for you and D.
Posted by: Suz | August 01, 2005 at 08:36 AM
Oh, no. :(
Posted by: frog | August 01, 2005 at 08:51 AM
Un fucking believable!
Posted by: Lala | August 01, 2005 at 09:05 AM
Oh, Soper. So sorry that you're having to go through all this. I'll be hoping and praying for you that it all works out.
Posted by: Danielle | August 01, 2005 at 09:33 AM
Oh, Soper. I'm so sorry! I really hope something good happens soon. Any zen, karma or other cosmic weight I have is currently being sent your way. I'm really, really sorry.
Posted by: Erin | August 01, 2005 at 09:42 AM
OMG, what a nightmare. I will send as many good thoughts your way as I can. I hope things get straightened out as quickly as possible.
Posted by: Amber | August 01, 2005 at 09:46 AM
I am so sorry. So so sorry. What a nightmare. Thinking of you...
Posted by: Kristin | August 01, 2005 at 09:51 AM
Holy crap. I'm so very sorry. You guys will be in my thoughts.
Posted by: Amanda | August 01, 2005 at 09:51 AM
Oh no. How horrible! I'm sending good thoughts your way.
Posted by: Ninotchka | August 01, 2005 at 09:54 AM
There are no words, Soper. What a horrible situation to find yourself in. I'm emailing the Universe right now to GET IT FUCKING RIGHT FOR A CHANGE.
Posted by: deborah | August 01, 2005 at 09:55 AM
I can barely type, since my jaw is hanging so low that it keeps getting in the way of the keyboard.
OK. OK. OK. This is a fuck-up of, I don't know, monumental proporation. I am sending you some positive energy that it somehow ends up working out. It HAS to work out.
Posted by: B. Mare | August 01, 2005 at 09:58 AM
Unbelievable. Please keep us posted, I'm sending all the positive energy I can you way that they get this worked out for you...this is crazy.
Posted by: VHMPrincess | August 01, 2005 at 10:08 AM
UNREAL. Unfucking believable. I cannot believe this. This is horrible. Worse than horrible. It is unimaginable.
Soper, I am so very, very sorry. I so, so, so, so, SO hope that this somehow works itself out within in the next day or two. It is so WRONG that you and D, of ALL people who have suffered enough, should have to go through this. Goodluck with the Zen, Soper.
Posted by: Susan / holdingpattern | August 01, 2005 at 10:09 AM
Oh my God....that is terrible. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. I am really hoping that they are able to work something out ASAP...I just can't even imagine. Words fail me.
Posted by: Miss W | August 01, 2005 at 10:27 AM
I'm so sorry. What a nightmare. I'm praying for you!
Posted by: beaver girl | August 01, 2005 at 10:41 AM
Oh no! I just can't understand why after all this, you're faced with more frustration and aggravation. I hope something can be figured out. I'll be praying for it.
Posted by: Katie | August 01, 2005 at 10:53 AM
OMGod! This is outrageous!!!!! NO F'ING WAY!
Many MANY ferverent prayers for you and D.
Ashley :(
Posted by: Ashley | August 01, 2005 at 10:55 AM
I hope you'll be home with your baby soon
Posted by: Mieke | August 01, 2005 at 10:56 AM
Oh man! Hope it works out really soon!
Posted by: Michelle | August 01, 2005 at 10:57 AM
WHAT?! This absolutely blows my mind. I am sick for you. Hoping and hoping that some heads are pulled out of asses and this rights itself soon --
Posted by: Molly | August 01, 2005 at 10:59 AM
Damn it all to hell. Those crazy Russians! Don't give them any more money either!
Posted by: Kate | August 01, 2005 at 11:04 AM
Oh, Soper -- we are sending all good thoughts your way. I so hope this mind-fuck ends soon.
xxoo
Posted by: Anna H. | August 01, 2005 at 11:15 AM
What Mare said. Every word of it.
Posted by: persephone | August 01, 2005 at 11:34 AM
Holy shit!!! I'm so so sorry.
Posted by: Jenn | August 01, 2005 at 11:38 AM
Holy shit. Thinking happy happy happy karma thoughts with every fiber of my being.
Posted by: jen | August 01, 2005 at 11:42 AM
I'm so very sorry for the way this is unfolding, for you two, for that little girl. I'm hoping that this works out for the best very soon.
Posted by: Carrie C. | August 01, 2005 at 11:50 AM
Oh, god, honey. God. So so sorry. God.
Posted by: Cecily | August 01, 2005 at 12:50 PM
Oh my God! I am so sorry.
You are in my thoughts and prayers!
Posted by: Sheri | August 01, 2005 at 01:20 PM
Oh no. Oh dear. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Hoping for a resolution in your favor, somehow. Sending good thoughts to Central Asia.
Posted by: libby | August 01, 2005 at 01:34 PM
Oh, sweetie, you and your husband must be devastated. How frustrating and sad.
Prayers, hopes, and thoughts that your baby IS there somewhere--just in hiding right now.
Posted by: Jen | August 01, 2005 at 01:34 PM
Oh my gosh...I am so sorry for you...praying your baby is out there. This is so terrible. Please know that we are all sending love and good wishes.
What a nightmare this must be....
Posted by: alex | August 01, 2005 at 02:01 PM
Oh god, Soper. I'm just shocked, and angry and sad. I am wishing with all I have that this gets sorted out today, NOW, this very minute. You have waited so long, and worked so hard, and I just can't believe this. I just don't know what to say. I am sorry, and I am waiting, and I am hoping and hoping and hoping that something changes fast, and your heart is managing to hold itself together.
Posted by: cancerbaby | August 01, 2005 at 02:07 PM
Oh no!
Oh SHIT!
I'm sending you all the love and good wishes I can! I hope all goes better....Please update us no matter what!
Posted by: Journeywoman71 | August 01, 2005 at 02:10 PM
Oh no. I am so so so fucking sorry that this is happening. I hope that either this woman's bluff is successfully called, you get moved to another region, something.
What a fucking nightmare. I am so so sorry.
Posted by: Rose | August 01, 2005 at 02:23 PM
My God. I am so sorry.
I can't believe this is happening. Hoping the situation gets better right away!
Posted by: Jenn | August 01, 2005 at 02:46 PM
Livid is a great word for this and from the sounds of things round here there are a few livid folks back stateside rooting you on (me included).
I'm praying for you and hubby that somehow someway the path will become clear once more and you will return triumphant.
Posted by: Cat | August 01, 2005 at 02:55 PM
A very similar thing happened to my friend in St Petersburg and they had to return home empty-handed and broken-hearted. They found the strength from Gd-knows-where to go back for a 3rd time and that one was the charm. Stay strong and focussed and I am so hoping that things will work out in the end.
Posted by: Pamplemousse | August 01, 2005 at 03:14 PM
Oh that's so crappy. I'm so sorry for you and D. and that poor little girl who thought she was going home with you.
Weeping.
Posted by: liz | August 01, 2005 at 03:17 PM
Oh, god, no-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo. I am horrified and flabbergasted and hoping desperately that everything works out.
--Bugs
Posted by: Dead Bug | August 01, 2005 at 03:18 PM
Fucking hell.
There just aren't any words.
Posted by: DMouse | August 01, 2005 at 03:19 PM
I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Wishing for a miracle.
Posted by: Brooklyn Girl | August 01, 2005 at 03:24 PM
Along with everyone else, I am sending all of my love and energy to you and D in hopes that this gets worked out very soon. I am so very sorry.
Posted by: B | August 01, 2005 at 04:04 PM
You should have posted the warning to me on the other site!
Soper, you know, of course, I am with you in heart and spirit. As I said earlier, I am praying and crying with you long distance. Love you,
Heidi
Posted by: Heidi | August 01, 2005 at 04:30 PM
Soper - I just came over from Cecily's blog. I'm so sorry you are going through this and you and your family are in my prayers!
Posted by: Julie | August 01, 2005 at 04:33 PM
OMG. I can't believe this. I just....I can't even find the words.
Soper and D., I'm so sorry it has happened this way. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.
Posted by: emma | August 01, 2005 at 04:41 PM
Oh my dear I am so, so, so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could help you.
Posted by: Deanna | August 01, 2005 at 05:13 PM
I am so sorry!
Posted by: Milenka | August 01, 2005 at 05:13 PM
Oh, no. No.
Posted by: Moxie | August 01, 2005 at 05:32 PM
I really hope there is some resolution for you here. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'll be thinking of you and your husband.
Posted by: PJ | August 01, 2005 at 05:59 PM
What the fucking fuck??
Seriously!
Posted by: Shevon | August 01, 2005 at 06:04 PM
That poor little 3 year old.
Posted by: Amber | August 01, 2005 at 06:18 PM
Sending good thoughts your way and hoping for a very quick resolution. So, so sorry!
Posted by: Amy/grrlTravels | August 01, 2005 at 06:24 PM
My heart breaks for the little one who was hurt by their manipulation. And I'm so sorry this isn't going easier for you. Many prayers lifted for you today.
Posted by: Jill | August 01, 2005 at 06:26 PM
I'm crushed for you, but OMG that 3-year old-- awful.
Posted by: Marla | August 01, 2005 at 06:31 PM
Via Infertile Gourmet...good God, how appalling and how heartbreaking. So sorry that you have had to experience this nightmare.Hoping for you that this all works out.
Posted by: OvaGirl | August 01, 2005 at 06:32 PM
Sorry doesn't do it here, I have no words, but much heart for you.
Posted by: Wavery | August 01, 2005 at 06:40 PM
Holy Fucking Shit - and I mean HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!
This is unbelievable.
What does your agency here say? Can they contact the Congressman? Fuck there has to be something they can do.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Karen | August 01, 2005 at 07:18 PM
I'm so sorry. I am sending up prayers for you guys.
Posted by: karla | August 01, 2005 at 07:22 PM
Delurking to say hang in there Soper. We're hoping to adopt from Kazakhstan next year and I've been following your blog. I've read about this same problem on other blogs and standing your ground seems to get results as far as I can tell. Pulling for you and your husband. All the best.
Posted by: Kathy | August 01, 2005 at 08:12 PM
I don't have the words. You're all in my prayers.
Posted by: Sandy | August 01, 2005 at 08:16 PM
This is just wrong. so very wrong. Hoping it all works out for you (quickly).
Posted by: millie | August 01, 2005 at 08:57 PM
NO! NO! NO! Oh, God, Soper! I'm stunned. So fucking unbelievable. Hoping, praying and cursing for you...
Posted by: Jen/VintageUterus | August 01, 2005 at 09:20 PM
Oh fuck, NO! Unbelievable. I'm so, so sorry Soper. So sorry. Prayers for you that you get it straightened out soon and come home.
Posted by: Emily | August 01, 2005 at 09:32 PM
My God. That's horrifying. I'm so sorry. Praying that things improve.
Posted by: Ellen | August 01, 2005 at 09:59 PM
Oh my god, Soper.
There are no words. I am so sorry.
Posted by: expat | August 01, 2005 at 10:16 PM
What an awful situation. I am so sorry. Sending you good thoughts. I haven't read your blog in a long time, but have been considering Kazakhstan. Maybe not now. Take good care.
Posted by: Cathy | August 01, 2005 at 10:45 PM
I am so incredibly sorry this is happening and I will, in my own way, say some prayers for you guys.
Posted by: Figlet | August 01, 2005 at 11:36 PM
Oh no!! How frustrating! Though really, I don't think frustrating is enough to describe what you are going through. I hope all of this gets straightened out pronto. I'll be thinking about you.
Posted by: Shelba | August 01, 2005 at 11:39 PM
My. God. I really hope it is a bluff. I really hope that they need money and will call you back at the last second, because it would be too easy to own up tomorrow.
I would imagine that you weren't the first woman the the 3 year old had called "Mama."
Absolutely gut-wrenching all around.
I'm very sorry.
Posted by: thrice | August 02, 2005 at 12:30 AM
Oh.My.Gawd.
Hoping the next few days find you WITH the baby you have both worked so hard to meet.
Just tragic, this post is too sad :(
Posted by: maia | August 02, 2005 at 01:13 AM
That's horrific. That poor child.
Posted by: Orodemniades | August 02, 2005 at 03:38 AM
Thats awful news :(
I'm lighting a candle for you and sending good stuff your way
blessed be
Posted by: Crystal | August 02, 2005 at 06:41 AM
Oh no!!! That's just awful!!!! I so hope that this works out. :(
Posted by: Roxanne | August 02, 2005 at 06:47 AM
I am so angry with those Kazakh women my head may explode. How could they do that to you and worse, to that little girl?
I keep thinking of variations of the opening to all those Law & Orders: "In the world of adoption, these is a special circle of Hell for pustules in human form who jab at the tenderest spots of the most vulnerable parties. . . ."
Praying for you.
Posted by: Slim | August 02, 2005 at 08:06 AM
Hi Soper, I'm just an occasional visitor but, yes, you are in my prayers. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this shit. It's all wrong.
Posted by: Beth | August 02, 2005 at 09:22 AM
I'm so sorry. I cannot believe that they would do that to you or a 3 year old child. Hoping for a quick resolution. Hang in there. I don't know what else to say.
Posted by: Jen | August 02, 2005 at 09:43 AM
I am so very very sorry. Here's hoping this works out and quickly.
Posted by: Kinneret | August 02, 2005 at 09:46 AM
Shit soper I'm so sorry. I'm hoping that your coordinator manages to kick them into gear soon.
Posted by: Thalia | August 02, 2005 at 10:01 AM
Oh god, SOPER! I am so sorry. What a horrible nightmare for you and that little girl. This sucks so much.
Posted by: Ollie | August 02, 2005 at 10:55 AM
Normaly not a praying type of person, but will be sending you every positive fiber in my bones!!!
GOVERDERDOMME!!!!! (dutch)
Posted by: Sailing chick | August 02, 2005 at 11:03 AM
I'm praying for you. Hang in there.
Posted by: Floyd | August 02, 2005 at 11:13 AM
Delurking to offer prayers and best wishes as you face this horrible, unfair situation
Posted by: Jacqueline | August 02, 2005 at 11:21 AM
For fucks sake! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this!
Posted by: Brenda | August 02, 2005 at 11:39 AM
Soper, I am so incredibly sorry. You are in my thoughts. I desperately hope that there will be a resolution soon.
So sorry.
Posted by: Julia S | August 02, 2005 at 11:41 AM
Are you freaking kidding me? Delurking to say that I can't believe it. I am on my knees praying.
Love,
Rachel
Posted by: Rachel | August 02, 2005 at 02:45 PM
Oh God Soper! You sound so much more zen than I would be. I'm praying my ass off right now, and I don't usualy pray at all.
Hang in there.
Posted by: patricia | August 02, 2005 at 03:24 PM
Soper:
Long time lurker here. I share the outrage and anger of the other commentors. Some assvice here: the comment about your Congressman might be a place to start if they continue to take this position. Can you give us the state/city you live in? Someone reading this blog must have connections somewhere in Washington. A call from a higher-up type might just do the trick. Prayers coming your way.
Posted by: Yellowgirl | August 02, 2005 at 04:58 PM
Oh, hell no. I had to read this entry twice just to process that it had actually happened. I will be thinking of you and D and saying lots and lots of prayers.
Posted by: Heather | August 02, 2005 at 06:04 PM
Oh my freaking god, Soper. I can't believe this is happening to you. I am so, so so so so so sorry. My gut is wrenched out of me and now all I can do is refresh you like a lunatic, think of you a million miles away, hope hope hope that things work out. I am so sorry, my friend.
Posted by: Karen | August 02, 2005 at 06:55 PM
Oh my god! That poor child - how absolutely utterly heartbreaking. It's insane how cruel people can be. Poor little babe.
Posted by: anon | August 02, 2005 at 08:32 PM
Yeah, Soper, if you've got like a thousand hits from my IPO, it's me. I'm with Karen on the obsessively refreshing. I can't help myself, very worried for you.
Posted by: Erin | August 02, 2005 at 09:20 PM
I can't believe this is happening to you! What a disaster.
Posted by: kath | August 02, 2005 at 09:25 PM
Oh God. Soper. I am so, so sorry. Please, please, please, take care of yourself. Do what can be done.
Oh, my heart just sinks for you.
Take care, and Godspeed for a miracle (or, you know, some bureaucratic honesty).
Posted by: Jody | August 02, 2005 at 09:36 PM
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thinking of you and hoping for a speedy resolution.
Posted by: ms pickled eggs | August 02, 2005 at 09:37 PM
I can't believe this is happening. Can't the universe cut you some slack already? We're all pulling for you.
Posted by: Anne | August 02, 2005 at 09:41 PM
Oh good God this is horrible. I am so, so sorry.
Posted by: kiwi | August 02, 2005 at 09:44 PM