SOPER: Wouldn't the golf balls have melted when they "played" golf on the moon? What were they made of in the 1960's? Rubber? Let's get one off eBay and put it in the oven and see what happens.
D: Someday we'll be able to go to the moon and you'll see the footprints and I'll say "Ha!" and you'll be sad you said the moon landing wasn't real.
SOPER: Don't you think by the time we actually GO to the moon somebody will think to take a pair a boots along and go "stomp stomp stomp" so nobody will ever know we didn't go there in the '60s?
D: You cannot tell our kids the moon landing was faked, people will think they are weirdo communist pinkos.
SOPER:
SOPER: Weirdo communist pinkos?
D: Yeah, all the other kids will think they're weird if they come to school talking about the moon landing not being real, and they'll be all like "You're a pinko, man!"
SOPER: But our kids are going to be weird, anyway, because they are going to live with us.
D: Yeah, you're right.
D: But still, if they go to school talking about the moon landing not being real, their teachers will turn us into social services and take our kids away from us.
SOPER: But our kids have to develop critical thinking skills!
SOPER: What if I make a deal with you? I'll wait until they are old enough to argue back with me about it, if you'll make a concession.
D: That's sounds fair. What's the concession?
SOPER: You don't make them wear protective eye wear when they play sports.
D: Do you know how many eye injuries are caused each year by kids playing sports?!
SOPER: Talk about our kids having no friends, what do you think will happen when they show up at homeplate wearing goggles?
D: Oh, it won't just be our kid. I'll make the whole team wear them.
SOPER: Uh-huh. Then our kid will be the one whose dad ruined baseball for EVERYBODY.
D: No, it will be cool. They can be "The Joyner Four-Eyes." Glasses are cool.
SOPER: You are not fooling anyone. No goggles, no moon landing. That's the deal.
D: Are helmets O.K.?
SOPER: Helmets are acceptable.
D: O.K., deal.
D: (mumbling) You better hope they don't re-elect W, or somebody's gonna come cart you off for being a pinko, saying there was no moon landing....
SOPER: What's that dear?
D: Nothing....
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